I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
