And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is my gift to your gina
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
