What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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