I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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