this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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