where am i from again
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
