how can u be prego again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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