You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
