What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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