So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
