Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
