Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
