My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
