Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
