Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
