what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize