With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
