dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize