i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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