im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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