I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Actions speak louder than pants.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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