Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
