1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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