As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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