Say something about gay babies.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
