Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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