One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
