When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
