I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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