Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
