you guys were way drunker than both of me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
