IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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