Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
