I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
