The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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