put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
