I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
