Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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