He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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