you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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