Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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