i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize