It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
