I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pappa wants mamma naked
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
