someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
