Betty ford says i'm here all night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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