HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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