We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize