Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
