The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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