dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
