So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
