Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
