Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
