So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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