There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
