so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize