Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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(678): View more from Georgia

If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.

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(661): View more from California

so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.

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(607): View more from New York

Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

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(941): View more from Florida

He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.

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