VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
