sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
