Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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