I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
