True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am one with the molecules
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
