Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize