Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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