halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Even my vagina gasped.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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