i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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