I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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