This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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