I should be sponsored by Trojan
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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