Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize