guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
