lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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