Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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