I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
