you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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