he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
