May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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