Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
barbara walters just said penis...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
