i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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