My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize