My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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