i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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