Just took my morning after pill in the library
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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