The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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