it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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