I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
