Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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