I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
