I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
