what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
