i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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