i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
