If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
