you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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