Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize