you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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