Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
