I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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