And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
