swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
