You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
