Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
