You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You are a genius and a whore.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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