the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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