sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
