MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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