Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
