He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
